The Maryland Renaissance Festival

Many years ago when we attended our first Maryland Renfest we were naive newbies who wandered around Revel Grove with our mouths agape. The sights, sounds and smells drove us into sensory overload and we vowed then and there that we would never again attend without appropriate costumes. Since absolutely anything goes at the fair it is darn near impossible to be inappropriately attired. The regal Medieval lords and ladies peacefully coexist with the realm of nymphs, fairies, elves, steampunkers, star wars freaks, Huns, Celts, knights, wizards, wenches and whatever else wanders through the gates.

This is a totally family-friendly event (if your family is full of drunken axe murderers) providing entertainment for all ages. Bring the kiddies because they have a children’s knighting ceremony where the newly knighted get introduced to the royal court.

The festivities begin before the gates even open with the royal tailgate party. We decided to drive up Friday night but those 20-somethings we vowed never to party with again left in the morning and caught up with us in the parking lot.

Although pets are prohibited at the fair we get Willow inside the gates by claiming that she is a rat infected with the plague and we are taking her to be burned at the stake. Actually, she is an accredited service dog (and our designated driver).

The official welcoming ceremony commences and it’s not long before oysters and beer becomes the breakfast of champions. While downing oyster shooters the plan for the day is laid out. The jousting tournament has attracted a band of competitors from across the nation so that’s a must see. There’s also a Battle Human Live Chess Game where select audience members become living chess pieces and Eric and his contingent want to claim space on that board. Our favorite magician/sword swallower, the legendary Johnny Fox, is performing in two different shows and there’s also Puke & Snot (the longest running show at the Renfest – 40 years old). Add to this list the street performers, games of chance, juggling school, rock climbing, shopping, drinking and eating and we have a full day ahead!

It isn’t long before we have our first fatality as Robin the Hood gets a hold of a bad oyster (at least that’s the story we are sticking to) and begins to hallucinate. Medical assistance arrives (in the form of his wife) and it is determined that it is in everyone’s best interest if Robin withholds from further merrymaking. He is not pleased with this diagnosis and treatment plan.

On to the joust! These guys are serious competitors and in the first round someone gets knocked off his mount. All of that armor hitting the dirt must really ring your bell because it takes a few seconds before the knight can get to his feet again. In a later round one of the jousting poles gets splintered from a touch and the spear-like fragment flies under the armor plate getting stuck between pieces of metal and almost impales that knight’s shoulder. Family fun! Huzzah!

It’s time for a turkey leg break. No visit to any self-respecting renaissance fair is complete without having a turkey leg in your hand and gnawing away at it. The boys don’t disappoint as they feast on the fowl. The turkey legs are sold from large cooler-like chests which keeps them hot. One year Don was marveling at the system and told the serving wench that he liked her chest. She responded, “Me husband feels the same way.” Now totally flustered Don answers with, “I meant the legs!”(of course meaning the turkey legs) To which the wench says, “Me husband is fond of them, too.” Bawdiness prevails among the vendors and cast.

The fair is jammed packed as we make our way to the human chess game. Literally, there must be thousands of people in attendance. So what are the odds that our crew will get selected to become human chess pieces? I’m finding a seat and the next thing I know Don, Eric, Damian & Jake are out on the field. Eric is a rook and the rest are pawns. Of course they are.

Naturally, our side wins. We split up into separate factions vowing to meet up later at the Johnny Fox show. Damian goes to juggling school and rock wall climbing. We people watch and shop browse. Eventually we all end up at the Royal Stage for Johnny Fox’s show, Jadoo. This show is the larger of his two shows and concentrates more on magic than sword swallowing although he does a pretty cool trick where he swallows a 2 foot gun barrel then shoots a cracker off his assistant’s head. He does the old standard of cutting his partner in half and he looks to the vast audience for someone to come up and help him. Naturally, he comes right up to Kevin and plucks him from his seat. Kevin is one of my 20-somethings being Eric’s roommate since their college days at VMI. Kevin has a very cool medieval outfit on and we cheer him as Johnny sticks knives and steel blades into the box containing his lovely assistant. Family friendly entertainment, folks!

It’s hard to believe that it is now after 6:00 p.m. We have been at it since 9:30 a.m. The fair shuts down at 7:00 p.m. since there is no lighting on the grounds. Once again we have had a merry old time and are already discussing our plans to return next season. I’ll leave you with a few more images from some of our previous visits. If you’d like to join us next year, keep a weekend open in October.