12 hour shifts are not designed for the elderly. By 5 p.m. I have lost interest in whatever it is I have been doing for the past 10 hours and this is not a good thing when your job involves life and death decisions.
It’s after 5 p.m. so why isn’t this drink dispenser releasing my margarita?
Perhaps it is time to explore options that allow me to create a more favorable work schedule. Let’s see what all this fuss is about the Uber. It seems simple enough. I pick up respectable people who for whatever noble reason choose not to drive to their destination and they pay me a fee. Let’s give it a try!
My first ride is a little off the beaten path. In fact, it’s on top of a mountain. It seems that it’s Father’s Day and apparently some nice son wants to take his Dad out. Probably going to church or maybe Golden Corral. This should be easy money!
Do you think I can’t see you in that shirt?
After negotiating the minefield that they refer to as a ‘road’ I spot the old guy waving me down. I can only assume that the surly looking millenial staring at his phone screen is the son. What the hell is he looking at? I can’t get any cell phone service up here. I wonder what carrier he uses? I’m screwed without my Wayze app! They want to go into Front Royal which isn’t too far so it should be OK, although why anyone would want to go into Front Royal is beyond me.
Oh wait! They want me to drive them around to some local breweries. They tell me that they will make it worth my while if I wait for them while they run in for a quick pint. How long could that take? Then I can move on to my next fare. All right guys, get in!
Now I’m their photographer?
I pull up in front of some glass doors that look like they lead into a back alley. The guys ask if I can just take a quick picture of them. I guess it can’t do any harm. When the picture is taken they enter what looks like a restaurant. I hope these jerks aren’t planning on having lunch while I sit out here. The young one sidles up to a bar and peruses the selections which are written on a board. It takes like 15 minutes for Junior to decide on a beer. What? Budweiser not good enough for you? He probably ordered some IPA crap. At least there’s some cool artwork on the walls in the alley.
Probably asking if it’s ‘organic’ beer.
At least the posters are cool.
Looks kind of familiar
I get back in the car and keep the engine running so the A/C keeps it cool. They should be out any second now.
Crap! I must have dozed off. I check the time and notice 2 hours have gone bye! Holy shit! Where are these morons?
Pops & Junior staring at me through the windshield.
I feel badly for falling asleep. How long have they been out here? I smile sheepishly as they get into the vehicle. It seems now they want to go to another brewery. How do I say,”no”? I guess I owe it to them. They assure me it’s not far.
I cross a bridge out of town and am directed down a winding road in a bucolic setting then I make a right into what looks like a farm. There are hoop houses and signs advertising ‘herbs for sale’ and ‘hops’.
Again with the pictures!
Did that sign say ‘herbs for sale’ or ‘herb for sale’?
This time I figure that I better keep them in sight so I stake out a chair in close proximity. They emerge from an outbuilding but now they’re drinking 4 at a time!
These jokers can really put it away!
A few more hours of drinking for them while I battle fire ants and sweltering heat. I think I’m getting dehydrated and hypoglycemic. Finally, they start heading back to the car and I run across a field so I can beat them there. No fear! They are relieving themselves next to a cow. They saunter over and say they would like to head home now (Yea!) but just one more stop first. (Aarrghh!)
Donuts my ass!
They claimed that they were just stopping to get some apple donuts but it turns out this place is also a pub and they even have their own cups! “I quit!” I yell to them. They said that it’s quite alright as they can walk (stagger?) home from here.
Jerks.
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