A typical Carmageddon road trip is one that allows for meanderings and wanderings at a relaxed pace. This provides for optimum visual and gustatory experiences and a sense of relaxed well-being.
OK, so this trip was different.
Perhaps it was due to the fact that all of the continental United States is on Spring Break. At least that is how it appears. It took us 2 hours to get from Rancho Russo to Fredericksburg, VA. By the time we were 6 hours into the road war we had enough and were somewhere in northern North Carolina. While I worked the Kayak app over our Pizza Hut dinner, Don would call potential hotels/motels/inns & hostels seeking the elusive accommodations.
OK, so every room is booked.
We decide to venture outside of the larger cities and finally find a reasonable room in a non-shithole in a little town called, Kenly. Upon our arrival there is a line of huge vehicles sporting racing team logos and such with their respective owners all attempting to rent rooms. Fortunately, our calling ahead enabled us to secure our room while the racing convention attendees duked it out in the parking lot for the remaining spots. We spent a relatively restful night, except for the train. We discovered that a train crossing was directly behind our hotel and darned if that train didn’t run on time. All night. Every 2 hours.
The next day the pit crews all had departed by the time we headed for breakfast. It was a clear, warm day and we were planning to drive this last leg straight through to Florida. We piled into our very fuel efficient rental vehicle and headed for the open road. Except the road wasn’t very open. All of North and South Carolina’s stretch of I-95 was a solid wall of traffic. None of it moving above 25 miles per hour for very long stretches. Then finally, it would open up and we would do about 70mph for about 2 miles and then back to bumper to bumper traffic.
We left North Carolina at 9:15 a.m. and arrived in Florida at the home of my in-laws, Villa Volpone, at …. wait for it….9:30 p.m. Full of aches & pains but in enormously good spirits. So, as you can tell. It was a pretty boring trip. I-95 is my least favorite road ever as it is miles & miles of the same landscape traversing 5 states. All of it ugly. It was supposed to save us time. Obviously, that didn’t happen. That’s it. Nothing more to tell you.
Except, I discovered this little gem while driving in Florida heading to Villa Volpone.
Yep. All lit up like Sodom and Gomorrah we passed what seemed to be the temple at Jerusalem along with numerous other artificial edifices suggestive of someone’s strange interpretation of the Biblical Mid-East. Multi-colored search light illuminated the sky above and I was intrigued.
You know a place must be magnificent if Bill Maher has made the pilgrimage to interview Jesus.
Obviously, Jesus wasn’t wearing his headset when Bill was there. I am told that after hamming it up with the tourists He announces that if anyone wants to get baptized to line up.
Of course, no good baptism should occur without “The Holy Land Dancers”. I bet they’d give the “Fly Girls” from In Living Color a run for their “talents”. Speaking of talents (the coinage of biblical times), in case you run short of cash you can always visit one of the “ark of the covenant” themed ATMs.
Once you moneychangers reload, head over to the gift shop where you can purchase your Jesus Bobblehead (cross sold separately) or perhaps your “Speaking in Tongues” microphone?
Needless to say, the highlight of any otherwise very long, tedious trip.
NOTICE TO RELIGIOUS FANATICS: Please refrain from writing me letters, posts or burning crosses or me in effigy.
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