I propose that long is an arbitrary term. A 13 hour flight to China is long to me. A 2 hour flight to Florida is long to Don. There are some universal truths that can be applied however you define a long flight.
1. Murphy’s Law will automatically be in effect.
A good pregame (or Pregate, as I like to call it) plan is essential. Arrive early enough
to account for the unaccountable: You left your driver’s license home (Don), You no longer
resemble your passport photo (Me). You should be able to pass through security and arrive
at your gate to allow for sufficient time to complete your pregate preparations.
Don
Me
2. An Argument Will Ensue.
Don & Me
“Did you remember to pack my belt?” (Don) “Why would I pack your belt?” (Me)
A long flight will seem infinitely longer when no one speaks.
3. Your Otherwise Reliable Digestive System Will Act Up.
Despite your due diligence in dietary selections something will not sit right.
Don
Me
4. The Plane Will Be Freezing.
Unless you are stuck on the tarmac for an hour just recovering from the stomach flu and the 10 travelers from India surrounding you break out their ethnic snacks. (Me) Or the plane’s wing catches fire and you are sitting over it. (Don)
Don
Me
The point is to bring your own comfort because those threadbare blankets they provide on the flight won’t cut it.
5. You Will Be Seated in Front of “That Kid”.
You know the one.
6. Your Overhead Bin Will Be Full.
Some cheap son of a b!+@# has crammed his too full carry-on into the overhead bin directly over your head and he’s sitting 5 rows away.
check your bag, cheap-o!
7. Your Connecting Flight Will Be At A Terminal Nowhere Near Your Arrival.
Seriously?? Terminal Z??
Terminal Z where you need to be in 10 minutes.
8. Some A$$hole is Going To Ask You To Switch Your Carefully Selected Seat So They Can Sit Next To Grandma.
You will move out of guilt.
doesn’t know how to select a seat in advance so you must suffer.
9. Someone Sitting Next To You Will Consider It A Challenge When Asked To Turn Off Their Personal Electronic Device.
“Who, Me?”
10. As Soon As The Plane Lands There Will Be A Mad Dash To Line Up In The Aisle To Save 10 Seconds Deboarding.
Idiots.
Hurry Up!
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